This lockdown was easier as the weather was better. Over these lockdowns, gardening has become a way to de stress. Planting, nurturing and watching my gardens grow really helps me find my inner peace. I would get lost in weeding for hours. When I needed a break, I would jump on my pole in the backyard and play.

I also choose top be more productive during this lockdown. As soon as a had gotten laid off from my job, I signed ups for Canfit Pro’s Fitness Instructor Specialist Course. The course was 30 hours divided over 2 weekends over Zoom. A few weeks after the course, I had a Theory Exam that I had get over 80% to pass. I studied so hard for this exam, there was so much memoriziation of anatomy. I passed with 87%! The final component/hurdle to complete was my practical exam. I had to teach an hour fitness class with 3 participants on zoom with my instructor on zoom as well grading me. I had to have a warm up, strength, cardio and cool down/stretch components all choreographed to music. I had the whole program written out with the timings on white boards to keep myself on track during the workout. I had 2 friends and Shanyn, owner of SASS, be my participants. It was actually a lot of fun having my instructor be one of my students and it definitely made me want to impress her. I practiced the program lot and felt pretty well prepared, which paid off as a I got 86% and become a certified Fitness Instructor Specialist!!

It has been a long time since I have done a photo shoot. I seen a post looking for a model for a black tape photo shoot, which is something I always wanted to do. I was nervous but decided to do it. I had done a nude photo shoot before, but this was different as the photographer was applying the tape on my body.

The photographer was very professional about and I never felt uncomfortable. We looked at tape designs together and came up with plan. He got me to put the tape on my private bits myself, then he did the rest of the taping from there. We did some shots in his home studio then we ventured out to an outside location. We found a pretty area under an overpass that was private enough that I felt comfortable in just the black tape.

I was not 100% happy with my body but the photos turned out pretty good. Sometimes its good to take risks and step outside your comfort zone to try new things.

A friend of mine asked if I could help him with his music video and of course I said yes! The video concept was to have clips of girls dancing to the song at home during lockdown. I took a few videos and sent him the best one. The video dropped during the 3rd lockdown and I think it turned out great! I was honoured to be a part of this project and I now can add being in music video to the growing list of opportunities pole has brought to me.

Starting on Boxing Day, Ontario went back into lockdown. This lockdown took a mental toll on me and depression set in. I suffer quite hard with seasonal depression. As days get shorter and there is less or no sun at all, I loose almost all motivation. It’s too cold to run. During lockdown with the studios being closed, I wasn’t training very much. I was stuck in the house all day with the kids home schooling. My husband was still working so it was hard on me being the one home all day, every day. No work, no training, no friends. A lot of Netflix was watched. I was even running out of projects around the house to keep myself busy. I spent most days in sweat pants and hoodies, it was an accomplishment just to shower daily and sometimes even do my hair and make up.

Another layer of depression came on when I discovered that my favourite musician is a woman abuser. Matt Good’s music helped me through my struggles as I found comfort and solace in his music. I was a fan for over 20 years, went to 20 concerts, met him a handful of times. I spent a lot of money on his albums and merchandise and I even got a tattoo of his lyrics on my ribs. It had recently come to light that he mentally abuses woman. I was completely heart broken as I ended becoming part of the inner circle of fans and former woman that were abused by him and heard their personal experiences with him. My heart heart for those woman. He is a manipulator and liar, just like my father and many people ex boyfriend friends I had. I felt of these woman and I could no longer be a fan of a person like that. I took down all the signed posters and packed them up along with his albums and merchandise.

Pole had helped me get through this difficult time. I discovered some new bands and danced through my emotions.

I had received a text from a neighbour, who is an actor, if I would be interested in playing a small role in a movie he was currently shooting. The role was for a stripper, but all I had do was dress sexy and dance a little. Of course I agreed! I was asked to submit a few wardrobe options and the director narrowed it it down to 2 for me to bring.

The shoot was in Thornhill, just outside Toronto. I was a little nervous about Covid, as the numbers were high in the GTA. And I was a lot nervous but very excited about being in a movie!

When I arrived to the set, I got my make up done. Then the director got me to try on the 2 outfits that he asked me to bring. There was a lot of positive self talk in my head while I was in the bathroom, about to walk out in a small bikini and heels in front of a cast and crew of people. One of the actresses from the scene that was shot before mine, she told me I looked fantastic, that helped a lot! The director choose my turquoise bikini, which is my personal favourite as I wore it for the Snoop Dogg concert.

In my scene, the main character of the film was having a flashback that he was in a club. I was to walk over to him and give him a lap dance. We did a few takes trying the scene out a few different ways and different camera angles and lighting. The director seemed happy with what he got and wrapped the scene

I was there for a total of 1.5 hours and received a pretty good pay check! The money was just the bonus though, the whole experience was amazing enough as it was. The cast and crew were all so friendly and helpful. My neighbour told me after the shoot and that the director was vey happy with me, so I was thrilled.

After 8 long months without being at a pole studio, SASS re opened in a new location in St.Catharines. It was a very rough time without the studio that has been my second home for so many years.

I missed my pole friend so much so it was as a very happy reunion! We celebrated the opening of the studio with a little champagne and I enjoyed the little bit of normalcy. I was also happy that I didn’t loose any of my strength and abilities during the shut down.

With all that being said, I was still hesitant to really fully get back into it as there was rumours of a another lockdown coming. We were unable to have a grand re opening showcase like we did last year. The world is in a pandemic with a second wave possibly approaching.

I went back to work just before the lockdown restrictions started to lift. SASS was closed, so when things started to open up, there was no studio to go back to. Paradisaea offered classes outside, but I didn’t take any classes. I developed a passion for gardening as became a way to unwind after work.

Covid had brought out the worst in people it has seemed. I lost a best friend and a whole group of mom friends after I confronted them about why none of them ever came out to support me at my performances. We were friends for 10 years, our kids grew up together. I always made an effort for them, but they never did for me. I think there was a lot of jealousy happening, they would never admit it, but it was becoming quite obvious that I not longer fit in the group.

I made the very difficult decision to end the toxic one-sided friendships. I cried for days. It took me months to even put on a pair of heels again. I had came to realize that my true friends are my pole/aerial friends. They understand me and will always be there for me, we share similar vibes and empower each other. They are my tribe. So I shed my mom group for pole dancers.

I did try to do a few fun things during what was a very strange summer. Paradisaea held a virtual showcase and I submitted a freestyle piece that I did in my backyard. Shanyn from SASS and I did a pole demo at the Love Shop in St.Catharines. Neither were performing on stages in front of a large audience, but it was better than nothing.

A few girls from the studio became reps for the company Monat. I took part in making a promotional video with them with the girls. It was a fun video to make with a group of strong women.

March 2020 so surreal. Canada got put into lockdown. I was laid off my my job, kids were home schooling, all stores but essentials were closed, so was bars, restaurants and gyms. We were isolated in the house, every day, all day. It was a weird and unstable time. I tried to kept myself busy with cleaning, reorganizing and projects around the house. Shanyn from SASS ran online fitness and pole classes through Zoom. The classes gave me something to look forward to and helped me keep motivated during these difficult times.

Unfortunately, SASS got evicted at the end of May. It was heartbreaking that the studio that was like a second home to me had to close its doors. The landlord was unwilling to help a small business out try to survive the lockdown.

Army of Sass is a separate dance company, but they were using the SASS studio to practice, so they invited the SASS pole girls to perform in their March show again, like we did in December. We all had lots of fun the first time and we were all super excited to be part of the show again. We had a better idea of the stage and space so we were able to plan the routine better. This time, I was going to be featured on the pole, instead of the chair that I did in the first show. I had to miss a few practices due to work, but worked hard to practice when I was at the studio. We were well prepared and the routine was going to be awesome.

The week of the show, the world turned upside down. There Coronavirus was spreading around the word, entire countries were going into lock downs. It was a scary and uncertain time. Here in Ontario, capacity limits were put on indoor venues. We made a group decision not to perform in the show to keep us all safe. It was a hard decision and we were all sad that we never got to perform the routine we all worked so hard on.

With the money that I had made from the Dragonfly performances, I treated myself to some new Pleaser heels. I got a few different styles and colours, since I’ve been performing more I wanted more of a variety. My growing shoe collection created a new problem – where do I put them all!? A trip to IKEA was the solution, as I got shelves to display my heels. That also lead to a little makeover in my room. I got white curtains and hung them around the room so I could use them as backdrops, hiding the rest of the room, when taking photos and videos.