I was starting to stretch myself really thin with everything I had taken on. I work full time, go to pole and silks classes and booked photo shoots on my days off. I didn’t train enough for the competition and it showed in my performance. My chores at home were piling up, giving me stress. My kids and husband missed me. I was tired all the time. Everything was catching up with me and getting to be too much.
I made a few jobs changes in 2017 which was a lot of adjustments. I was struggling to fit in at my new jobs. I realized that being pretty, confident, smart, having a great personality and be really intimidating to others. I was constantly feeling like the outcast and that I was always trying to prove myself. No matter what I seemed to do, it was never good enough.
The breaking point was my grandma’s health decreased over the summer and she passed at the end of October. I was so busy that I was not able to go visit her before she passed. I grew up living with her and my mom, so she helped raise me. She taught me how to become a strong woman. I was devastated by her loss. I slipped into a depression through the rest of the fall and most of the winter. I stopped going to pole classes for a while, didn’t practice at home at all either. I needed time to grieve and be with my family, so I put everything else on hold.