When Things Don’t Go As Planned – April 2017

I had signed up for Verticalove’s Something Wicked right after the Girlie Show.  I wanted to challenge myself with something new.  So, I decided I would teach myself how to dance in ballet pointe shoes to the hip-hop song Ballerina by Belly.  My concept was fusing the pointe shoes and elements of a ballerina costume with pole. I bought the shoes at the end of November and started breaking them in.

I had a great training plan set up for the New Year, unfortunately it didn’t work out that way.  I got hand, mouth and foot disease which prevented me from training for a bit.  After that, I was sick for a week.  And then shortly after that I pulled a tendon in my bicep.  I got hit with one thing after another, making it difficult to consistently train.  I suffered with my arm injury for a month and I then finally went to physio for treatment. I took time off completely while my arm was getting treated.  Right when my arm was better, I had to go in for surgery on my breast implant…a week before I was to perform.

I managed to put a routine together in between all of that, but it was no where near perfected.  I wish I had the opportunity to tweak the routine and clean it up.  Unfortunately I wasn’t able to before the surgery so I would have to go with what I had.  I put in tricks in that I knew well as I knew I would still be recovering.  A week after my surgery, I practiced the routine twice and to see if I as going to have to make any changes.  It went ok, so decided to stick with what I had.  The next day though, my stitches really hurt and I was nervous that I pushed myself too hard.  I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to perform in 3 days.

I felt better after a few days of rest. The day of the show, I went to practice on the stage during rehearsals to map it out. After that, I went home to work on a few transitions and then rested until I had to get ready.

I wasn’t as nervous as I was at the Girlie Show before going on stage.  The first half of the routine went as well, until my mask moved out of place.  I decided to take it off, but didn’t realize it was double knotted so it not slip off easily.  The top the the mask pulled my hair out of place right before my ending combo.  I was disappointed that had happened.

The following few days, I was pretty bummed about the whole thing.  I wasn’t thrilled with the pictures as I have taken time off training and not eating very well.  I felt fat.  I was being quite hard  on myself.  But then a friend reminded me that most people wouldn’t have even been able to do that at all.  Let alone, recovering from injury and surgery.  Despite feeling unprepared, I had pulled it off.

Things don’t always work out the way you want but the important thing is how you handle it, learn from it, and move on.

Women Hating on Women – Enough Is Enough 

I have had a lot of conversations lately regarding feminism. Some feminists believe that artists like Madonna and Lady Gaga degrade woman just like Donald Trump does.  They argue that they are creating a double standard as they want equality but by using their sexuality, they are degrading women by making themselves sexual objects.

I and other women that are confident with their sexuality would disagree.  Woman use their own sexuality to empower themselves.  They own it because it’s theirs and they can do whatever they want with it.  They are taking back the power and using it to be able to express themselves.  There is nothing degrading about that and there is no double standard.  There is a huge difference between choosing to use your own sexuality and being grabbed by the pussy by a man.  The latter is unconsentual and degrading as that is treating a woman as a sexual object.  The woman in the above meme are artists performing on stage.  As I am an artist that performs on stage and expresses my sexuality, I understand these women.  They are successful, beautiful women that have made a career for themselves.  For example, Madonna spent most of her career telling women its okay to be sexual beings.  She was sexually assaulted when she was young and had devoted herself to taking back her sexuality and owning it.

Similar to this meme, was the one created by the London Abused Women’s Center last September. They pulled out of a local Take Back the Night event because the pole studio The Pole House were going to be doing demonstrations at the event.  They then posted this meme, which basically stated that pole dancers are asking to be assaulted.  This obviously enraged the pole community around the world.   Pole is about empowering ourselves and other women and this group judged before bothering to educate themselves about the sport.

Emma Watson’s response to the conversely of her topless photo in Vanity Fair was on point. She said “Feminism is about having a choice. It’s not a stick with which to beat other women. It’s about freedom, it’s about liberation, it’s about equality. I really don’t know what my [breasts] have to do with it…They’re saying I can’t be a feminist and have boobs.”  Women putting other women down is the complete opposite of feminist thinking.  So many women are unhappy with themselves, but instead of getting out there to change it, they sit on there couch on social media and blast other women that have put themselves out there. They slut and body shame, they try to make themselves feel better by putting other women down.  I don’t have many girl friends anymore because they are jealous and judge.  Some off my best girl friends are my pole sisters because we understand each other.  We support each other, regardless of appearance or abilities.  We are strong women that work very hard physically and mentally to improve and challenge ourselves.  That is what feminism is all about. Let’s be a sisterhood instead of tearing each other apart.

Workin’ on Twerkin’

At the beginning of the year, I took a screenshot from Cleo’s Rock ‘n’ Pole that will be my dance goal for 2017. It was the perfect move to try to master as I’ve been really wanting to learn how to twerk. I have figured out that it is all in the hips, but can’t seem to get it yet.  I’ve been watching videos for inspiration and tips how to do it. No videos of me yet as I’m really awful so far. I am determined to master twerking this year. I’m open to any videos or tips that anyone else has to offer!

New Year, New Challenges

I ended 2016 with posting a recent picture of me and my body stats: 

Weight: 122

December 31, 2016

Body Fat: 23%

Waist: 27 inches

I posted it to hold myself accountable towards my goals and to keep pushing.

I started stretching as I really want to gain flexibility. I have been using the techniques I learned in the flexibility workshop last October.

My goal is to train 5 days a week:

1. Silks (class)

2. Stretching (at home)

3. Pole (classes)

4. Hoop (at home)

5. Pole (at home)

I don’t have set days for the training at home, as it will vary with my schedule. The first step was setting goals, the next step is to commit to them!!

I received my Christmas gift from my husband, which an lyra hoop from Juggle Gear.  The day I received it, I couldn’t wait to get it up and rigged. I was afraid I wouldn’t remember the tricks I learned from the workshop I did last August. It didn’t take long to get it all back though!

Paradisaea Winter Recital 2016

At the end of December, I participated in the Paradisaea winter recital. I worked hard on a drop called mission impossible that I was having difficultly with. The week before the show, I finally nailed it and was confident I could execute the trick in the show.

The first show went great, all my tricks went perfectly. The only thing was that I was in the back for the whole show. I climbed really high so that my family could see me in the back.

         So in the second show, I was offered to switch spots to the front during the mission impossible trick. I was excited to be up front, but I could feel my body was really tired from a very long weekend. After I did the drop, I realized that the fabric was too high and tight on my waist and I was stuck 7 feet off the ground. My instructor had to get the ladder to get me down! I was so embarrassed and disappointed in myself.  But I had 2 other tricks to do so I kept on going.  I chalked it up to a learning experience and didn’t feel so bad as a few others made mistakes as well.

Being Body Shamed 

When I got home from my performance, I was on a high. I posted a few pictures on my facebook and was getting a lot of compliments. I received a message from a friend from grade school and when I first opened it I thought it was going to be positive. But then as I read it my heart sank and was left speechless.


I have privately shared the message with a few close friends. Everyone who read it was furious, told me it’s not true and gave me a lot of compliments. It made me momentarily feel better. But as the days went on, it was stuck in my head and was eating away at me.

I had been eating very healthy before the performance, but a after that I started binging for comfort. My mood had been all over the place and been having difficulty looking myself in the mirror. After 2 weeks, I am a mess. I gained 6 pounds, my confidence shattered and been upset that everything I worked so hard for is slipping away.

I finally pulled myself out of depression and decided I was going to use this experience in a positive way. I also created a freestyle video as a release for myself and posted it with the message.

I was very grateful for all the wonderful comments I received. Although I posted not to get validation but more so talk about body shaming. It’s not ok to do to anyone! I felt like I could use my experience to highlight how devastating it is to someone. The media has created an unrealistic image of what women are supposed to look like, which is stressful enough. Add bullying from your peers and it’s enough to create serious mental health problems. Be encouraging of others. Support them when they are doing something to better themselves. If you are jealous, maybe examine yourself before taking it out on someone who is doing well. And if you don’t like what someone posts, simply unfriend.

Verticalove’s Girlie Show – November 2016

The week leading up to the show, I practiced at home with my costume on to make sure it all worked. I tried to eat healthy and get lots of rest.

The day of the show, I went to the venue to rehearse my routine. I realized I was too slippery because I had put on coconut oil on my legs, so I had to shower. I had a healthy lunch and got some rest. When I got to the show in the evening with my costume, hair and makeup done, I hit me how far I have come. I was in awe that I was performing on the same with the girls I have been inspired by.

My performance went well, I was quite happy with it. I did a role reversal of 50 shades of grey, where I was the dominant to the submissive male, played by the MC of the show. It was awesome seeing my vision come alive on stage. What I was most nervous about was not toppling over in my 9 inch Pleaser heels.

What I had learned from watching the more advanced girls was I need to relax and smile on stage. That will come in time as I get more comfortable on stage.

Training for My First Professional Pole Showcase – November 2016

I spent most of October and November training preparing for my first professional pole performance. I did a flexibility workshop at Paradisaea with Deflying Fitness. It was 4 hours of stretching and contortion, or better named contorture. I trained hard at both Paradisaea and SASS, working on my stamina, endurance and of course strength.

I pole kittened and VerticaLove’s Great White North Pole Competition. While I was there, me and one of my instructors got to take the stage during intermission and dance with our Aura heels on. A 360 video captured our impromptu freestyle on stage. I got a chance to feel what it was like dancing on stage with an audience and it was so much fun!

Turning 33 and 10 Years of Marriage – Fall 2016

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I celebrated my 33rd birthday and had a wonderful day. I would have never thought that at 33, I would be the strongest that I’ve ever been. I’ve found myself through pole, and so excited to see where this journey will continue to take me.


At the beginning of October, my husband and I went to Jamaica to celebrate my birthday and out 10 year wedding anniversary. My mom watched the kids at home, so it was just the 2 of us. We had the best time, and of course I found a pole to do a few tricks on!

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My husband is my biggest supporter and encourages me to achieve my goals. He helps in any way he can from watching me learn a trick or routine and giving feedback to staying up late at night to alter my costume to make sure it fits perfectly. He is proud of my accomplishments and have seen the changes in me over the last few years. We have had our share of bumps in our marriage and it does take a lot of work. I found that since I really discovered how to love myself, that it has helped my marriage as well.

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The Adventures of Summer 2016

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At the end of May, I had a professional photo shoot. For the first time, I felt like a real model. I had so much time fun and look forward to doing more shoots in the future. I received so many positive comments about my photos that it was really overwhelming.

In July, my husband and I went on a car rally with 60 exotic cars. We decaled the roof of the car with a pole dancer. We packed my pole into the Viper and brought it with us. I set it up in our hotel rooms in Montreal and Atlantic City to pole. Our room in New York City was too small to set it up. I got the vibe from a few girls that that didn’t like me very much, but I didn’t care as I met lots of other wonderful people.

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I managed to get some outdoor poling in as well. Unfortunately, a neighbor likes it too much and made an inappropriate advance on me. I was disturbed by that, but I refused to stop me from doing what I love in my own backyard. There is nothing like being high in the air, looking up at the clouds and the sun’s warm rays beaming down on you.

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I participated in an open house for Paradisaea in August with my kids. My son didn’t want to take part on the silks, but my daughter did. She had a lot of fun but she’s only 5, so I had to help her a lot. I think I will put her in classes in a few years when she is able to do more on her own.

I also took a lyra or aerial hoop workshop at Paradisaea. I had so much fun learning aerial tricks on a different apparatus. After the class, I decided a hoop will be my next addition to my dance room.