Starting on Boxing Day, Ontario went back into lockdown. This lockdown took a mental toll on me and depression set in. I suffer quite hard with seasonal depression. As days get shorter and there is less or no sun at all, I loose almost all motivation. It’s too cold to run. During lockdown with the studios being closed, I wasn’t training very much. I was stuck in the house all day with the kids home schooling. My husband was still working so it was hard on me being the one home all day, every day. No work, no training, no friends. A lot of Netflix was watched. I was even running out of projects around the house to keep myself busy. I spent most days in sweat pants and hoodies, it was an accomplishment just to shower daily and sometimes even do my hair and make up.
Another layer of depression came on when I discovered that my favourite musician is a woman abuser. Matt Good’s music helped me through my struggles as I found comfort and solace in his music. I was a fan for over 20 years, went to 20 concerts, met him a handful of times. I spent a lot of money on his albums and merchandise and I even got a tattoo of his lyrics on my ribs. It had recently come to light that he mentally abuses woman. I was completely heart broken as I ended becoming part of the inner circle of fans and former woman that were abused by him and heard their personal experiences with him. My heart heart for those woman. He is a manipulator and liar, just like my father and many people ex boyfriend friends I had. I felt of these woman and I could no longer be a fan of a person like that. I took down all the signed posters and packed them up along with his albums and merchandise.
Pole had helped me get through this difficult time. I discovered some new bands and danced through my emotions.